


Well shit. This is not UA.

by viribelle



Category: Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle (Movies), 僕のヒーローアカデミア | Boku no Hero Academia | My Hero Academia
Genre: Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Descriptions of fight but they aren't graphic, M/M, Supportive Bakusquad (My Hero Academia), crossovers!, memes even in the face of imminent death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2019-09-21
Packaged: 2020-10-25 01:07:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,294
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20715566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/viribelle/pseuds/viribelle
Summary: The Bakusquad finds an old game cartridge labeled Jumanji. They play it. Is there anything else that needs to be said?ON HIATUS(Unlikely to be continued unless something drastic happens :P)





	1. Well, This Is Not Japan.

**Author's Note:**

> The original high schoolers, (Spencer, Bethany, etc.), are not included. Only their avatars are used.
> 
> =========  
"HOW AM I ALIVE?!" Sero shrieked.  
=========

The Bakusquad milled about the classroom, wiping down every surface. Kaminari, Mina, and Sero's epic prank had gone awry, leaving every inch of the classroom covered in a mix of jelly and chocolate pudding. The three of them had guilted Kirishima into helping, who in turn roped Bakugou into lending a hand. "Hey, Danki, we're out of Windex. Can you get some from the supply closet?" Mina paused her scrubbing to ask Kaminari.

"Passing over the fact that you just called him Danki, I checked earlier while I was getting the mop and there isn't any left." Sero interjected.

They were arguing about whether hand soap was a decent alternative when Bakugou plunked his head down on his hands. "Dumbasses, just go ask Aizawa where they keep the rest."

The remaining four teenagers were silent, contemplating their life choices after such a truth had been revealed. "Oh my fucking god just one of you morons go get a goddamn teacher."

Kirishima scuttled off with a wink, heading for the teacher's lounge. "Ah. Kirishima." Nezu greeted him.

Kirishima brightened up. "Oh, Principal Nezu! Do you know where they keep the extra cleaning supplies?"

Nezu turned the question over in his head. "Check the janitor's closet, and if there isn't anything there, check the basement. The entrance is two doors down from the teacher's lounge." 

"Thanks, Principal Nezu!"

Kirishima dashed down the halls, pausing in front of a door labeled, "Basement". He cracked the door open, peering into the darkness. He flailed his hand around the walls until he hit the switch. Fluorescent light flooded the room, illuminating the stairs ahead of him. He fairly leaped down the steps, scanning the shelves for Windex. On his mission for cleanser, he happened upon an old Nintendo game. He brushed some dust off the casing, squinting at the English. "J....u....ma....n....ji?"

He burst back into the classroom, new bottle of Windex in one hand and the game in the other. "Guys! I found the spray, and a cool looking game!" 

Kaminari looked it over. "Hey, I have an old Nintendo at my house! I can bring it over and we can play this over the weekend!" 

Everyone enthusiastically agreed, sans Bakugou, who was torn between not having to hang with the "Moron Circus", and his kind-of-secret love for any kind of video game. The date was set. In three days, they'd play Jumanji.

==cue that ominous drumbeat thing==

Kaminari paraded in, clutching an old gaming system. "This old baby's ready to go! The question is, are you??"

He wiggled his eyebrows in a stupid manner that was probably meant to look sagely but honestly just made him look like a constipated duck. Bakugou rolled his eyes. "Everyone's already here you fucking dumbass. Hand it over."

Bakugou set up the system with ease, inserting the Jumanji game. A drumbeat filled the room, and a title screen appeared. Then five characters to select popped up, and instantly triggered a war as all five teenagers tried to read the English, and pick the best character. Kaminari, as the most proficient English speaker, selected first, picking the one called "Seaplane McDonough". Kaminari grinned. "I got the cool pilot dude! Why dis boi has Seaplane as his name is what I'm curious about."

Bakugou slammed his controller buttons, selecting a character called "Dr. Smolder Bravestone". "This guy is obviously the best. A buff archaeologist that sounds like a genius?? Sign me the fuck up."

Mina snorted. "Your gay is showing, Blasty."

She ended up picking one of the two girl characters, "Ruby Roundhouse." She cheered. "Ruby sounds like a badass! Yassssssss!"

Kirishima, having been struggling to read the game's ridiculous font, ended up with someone with the nickname Moose. "Heck yes! Having Moose as a nickname must mean that this guy is super manly!"

Sero, realizing his horrible luck, threw himself into the bed. "How come I have to be a girl?????"

"Shelly Oberon- the curvy genius," Mina read aloud. "Lmao, this is the pinnacle of humor!"

With all their characters selected, Bakugou clicked start, only for his fingers to start turning into smoke. "What the fucking fuck?!" 

He cursed up a storm as he was sucked into the console. The rest of the squad followed him in the same manner, Kaminari weeping something about how he was too young and pretty to die this way.  
\-----------

Sero free fell through the air, screaming. He hit the ground hard, somehow staying alive. "Aaaaaaaaahh!" Sero was greeted by the sound of a boy with close cropped brown hair screaming his lungs out, though he was already on the ground.

"Oh, hey, I'm fine! HoLy sHiT, who are you??" The boy startled.

Sero attempted to assume a fighting stance, but realized, one, he was kinda heavier than he should be, two, he was significantly shorter, three, his elbows were normal. "Who are you??" 

"I asked first!"

"I asked second!"

"Fine. I'm Kaminari." The boy with brown, not blond, hair sighed.

"Bro! It's Sero!"

"BROOOOOO!!!" The two embraced, jumping up and down in relief.

"Now we have to find the rest of the squad."  
\---------

Bakugou started disbelievingly at his very brown, very buff, very not exploding palms. "What the fuckity fuck fuck motherfucking son of a jackass motherfucking bitch is going on?" He whispered to himself.

He glanced at his reflection in the river nearby and did a massive double take. He was.... bald? And extremely not Asian. He heard a twig snap and rounded on a red headed girl. He willed his hand to let out an explosion, but nothing happened. He stared at it incredulously, until he remembered that he was likely not in Japan, and definitely not Katsuki Bakugou, at least not in the flesh. He snarled at the girl. "Who the fuck are you?"

The girl arched an eyebrow. "Who are you? My name is Ashido!"

Bakugou sighed. "Ah, Raccoon Eyes. Thank fuck."

Mina's breath whooshed out of her lungs. "Blasty! Judging from the fact that I look different, I'd say that everyone else is here, but likely looking strange."

"Well, I assume you have the single brain cell that bounces between you and Kaminari at the moment. Let's go find the rest of our Idiot Brigade."  
\----------  
The squad stood in a circle by the river, staring at themselves and the others. Sero was a squat, fat, middle aged white dude, Kaminari was a lean brown haired man, who had a military look about him, and Kirishima was a tiny coal black smol bean. Bakugou was taller than all of them, and his newly enlarged muscles rippled as he paced. "We obviously are not own fucking bitchass selves, and last I remember, we were turning into goddamn smoke after selecting- ........our characters! That's it! We must be the fucking avatars! We are literally in this dumbass fucking son of a bitch game!"

Nobody was taken aback by Bakugou's fluent cursing. His explanation made sense, and it seemed like there was no obvious way home. "Well, why don't we try and get to higher ground so we can- JESUSWHATTHEFUCK???" Kaminari cursed, jumping back in horror and shock.

A massive hippo emerged from the river, its slavering jaws snapping. Sero screamed as the hippo stormed towards him. He punched it in its hairy muzzle, but it was unfazed and ate Sero in one gulp, silently lumbering back into the river, as Kaminari screamed girlishly.

Everyone gazed shellshocked at where the hippo had disappeared. Sero was.. gone. Just like that. Then they heard a bing, and a.. hole? Opened up in the sky. A flailing man dropped down, crushing Kaminari. It was Sero. "BRO!" Kirishima shouted, relieved.

"Did that... hippo.... eat me?!?!" Sero exclaimed.

The rest of the group nodded. "HOW AM I ALIVE?!"

"BETTER IDEA, GUYS! RUUUUUUUN!!" Mina screamed, as a second hippo barreled toward her.

The five of them sprinted away, stumbling as they tried to get used to their new bodies. They emerged on an old dirt road, where a Jeep was parked. A white man sat in the driver's seat. "Hop in, my fellow adventurers!" He spoke in English, but they somehow understood him.

The Bakusquad wasted no time in piling into the car, and the man gunned the engine, driving off.

After explaining that he was Nigel, the man gave them a short backstory on why they were here. They needed to return a jewel to a jaguar statue, because it's removal had caused a curse to settle over the land, which was called Jumanji. It had been stolen by a corrupted man named Russel Van Pelt, who would likely be hunting them as they tried to complete their mission. They were given a map, and instructions to head to the bazaar and find the missing piece. He also said, "If you wish to leave the game, you must save the land and call out its name!" After he dropped them off on a plain, Nigel drove away before any questions could be asked.

"Well, what the fuck do we do now?" Mina questioned. 

"Who's got that map?" Sero asked.

In the midst of patting down his pockets, Kirishima booped his right pec, and a hologram like screen flashed into existence. "Strengths and weaknesses? Hmm. Strengths: Zoology and weapons valet. Weaknesses: Cake, speed, height, and strength?" Kirishima read aloud.

"How the hell is strength my weakness?? As a matter of fact, why the fuck am I so short??" Kirishima cried indignantly, upset with the loss of his normal athletic prowess.

"Nigel said your nickname was Mouse, not Moose, you dumbfuck." Bakugou reminded, albeit very rudely.

"How'd you do that?" Kaminari asked curiously.

"I, like, touched my right man boob area?" Kirishima guessed.

Utilizing that information, the rest of them checked out their stats. Bakugou, with no weaknesses, and smoldering intensity as a strength, was elated, although he showed it was a furious looking, "Fuck yeah!"

Mina seemed to be a master of martial arts, and whatever dance fighting was, and venom was her only weakness. "Yo, what if that dude Venom from the movie comes up in front of you?" Kaminari joked. Nobody paid him any attention.

Kaminari reviewed his own chart, noting piloting and margaritas as strengths, and mosquitoes as a weakness.

Sero gazed confusedly at his pop up. "Cartography, archaeology, and paleontology. Fuck me sideways with a yogurt cup- what the hell is that??" 

Bakugou impatiently explained them as map studying, artifact studying, and fossil studying. 

"And my weakness is... endurance. Oh well, why the fuck not."

Putting two and two together, Kirishima shoved the map that he'd found crammed in his pocket into Sero's hands. Sero seemed to somehow know what to do, frowning at the missing corner of the map and identifying their next "level" in the game as the Mighty Roar. "The missing piece must be the missing piece of the map, but the "Mighty Roar"..... Where's that?" Mina asked.

"Right here, I think."

Drumbeats sounded in the distance, and the revving of motors reached their ears. A group of motorcycles crested the hill, rushing towards them. Gunshots confirmed their hostility.

"RUUUN!" Kaminari screamed, only to turn around and find the rest of the group already sprinting away.

Even Bakugou was retreating, judging that fighting them close range was a bad idea. Kirishima was passed up by everyone, even a panting Sero. Oh, why was speed a weakness?

Soon they were deep in the forest, being chased by the bikers. Mina managed to jump over a motorcycle attempting to corner her and land a midair somersault. She grinned, glad she maintained her agility.

Meanwhile, Bakugou and Kirishima were hunkered down behind a tree. "Gimme my boomerang, I think it's in your dumbass backpack." Bakugou hissed.

"Why?"

"Boomerang is one of my strengths, a boomerang is a weapon, and you're my fucking weapons valet. Hurry up, Shitty Hair."

Kirishima fumbled around in his backpack, coming up with a curved piece of wood. Bakugou chucked the boomerang, and watched it come back around to take out all four motorcycles. But the rest were closing in, and they needed to run. Bakugou forced Kirishima onto his back, his passenger complaining the whole way about how unmanly this was. "You're too slow you fucking dumbass! Just go with it!"

The whole Bakusquad cleared the trees at the same time, coming to a screeching halt at the edge of a cliff. A waterfall stormed below them, pouring into a river. "This is the only way to get the fuck outta here! We gotta fucking jump!" Bakugou shouted. 

He leaped over the edge, the others following one by one.

They all swam out, collapsing on a shoreline. Mina in particular was stumbling, as she pressed a hand to her chest. "Woah, Mina!" Kirishima exclaimed.

"They....... they shot me." Mina whispered, her hand coming away bloody.


	2. Well, This Is Not Cake... Or a Staring Contest.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ========  
"HOW DO YOU FORGET WHAT BREAD TASTES LI-"  
========

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 10-1-19 *There's been editing, but nothing too heavy. Just some added description of surroundings to flesh things out.*
> 
> I apologize beforehand for inconsistent chapter lengths, as they're mostly split up by events and not by word count. Also, my only beta is Grammarly, so expect unedited word vomit in a few areas. Enjoy!

Mina disappeared into thin air. Everyone was shooketh, but then there was a bing, and she fell out of the sky, just like Sero. She was panting, terror and shock apparent in her eyes, chest heaving from the fall down to the earth. "Thank god!" Kirishima sighed, hugging Mina.

Bakugou, ever observant, while examining himself for injuries, had noticed a strange tattoo on his wrist. Now, Bakugou was not averse to tattoos, but everything in this game seemed to have a purpose. "I have this strange ass tattoo on my hand. It's just three damn lines."

Everyone looked at their wrists, finding the same lines. The only difference was that Sero and Mina had two instead of three. They, minus Bakugou, rubbed their few collective brain cells together for a painfully long time before Bakugou decided to put an end to this intellectual torture. Rolling his eyes, he stated, "There's no fucking need to do that. It's obvious. The lines represent our game "lives", and because Sero's stupid ass lost one from getting eaten by that dumbass hippo, he only has two left. Same with Mina, except she got herself fucking shot."

Mina managed an expression of mild offense, placing her hands on her hips, deliberately cocking one of them to the side. "Well, I won't say I was trying to get a bullet to the chest."

Kirishima whistled, appreciative of Bakugou's deductive skills. "Damn, we have a genius here!"

"I just play a lot of fucking video games, alright?" Bakugou's face flushed pink, but he defiantly refused to be embarrassed.

"Well, what happens if we lose all three lives?" Kaminari questioned, hoping against hope that the answer wasn't the worst-case scenario that had popped into his head.

"That usually means... Game Over." Bakugou sighed.

"So we can actually die??" Kirishima gasped.

"Well, I don't fucking know I've never been stuck in a video game! But yes, it might be a possibility." Bakugou's concern for his friends was slipping through, but the somber mood stopped the four from teasing their friend.

They were silent for a moment but decided to continue moving on. They trekked across the plains, Mina worried about snakes and Kaminari about mosquitoes. They managed to avoid both while following the map to the bazaar. 

It turned out to be a chaotic marketplace of sorts, with NPCs haggling and advertising their wares in the background. Bolts of cloth were placed on shelves along the walls, once brightly colored on the ground were filled by the dust covering every surface. The bamboo poles haphazardly placed across the tops of the clay walls cast alternating lines of sun and shade on the earth floor of the bazaar. "Try to blend in, morons," Bakugou whispered.

The five adventurers made their way through the area, glancing warily at passerby. Anyone could be a henchman for Van Pelt, and their caution was bordering on paranoia. They approached a shouting NPC waving round slabs of bread in the air. "Rations! Getchur rations! Rations! Getchur rations!"

"Keep your health up you little fucking shits," Bakugou muttered, already fed up with the man's mantra. 

Mina snatched a piece from the man, ripping off a chunk of bread. She stuffed it into her mouth, sighing as she savored the taste. "Oh my god, this is some great fucking bread." 

Kirishima grabbed a slice, took a bite, and frowned at the suspiciously sweet taste. "Hey, this doesn't taste like bread... Sir, what is this?"

"That's me famous pound cake!" The man grinned, proud that they were enjoying his homemade food.

"CAKE?!?!" Bakugou and Sero yelled panic bleeding into their tone.

"Mina! You said this was bread!" Kirishima exclaimed, desperately hoping that the man was somehow wildly mistaken.

"I'm sorry, I've been on an athletic diet since I was ten, I guess I forgot what bread tastes like." Mina apologized, frantic.

"HOW DO YOU FORGET WHAT BREAD- Never mind. Kami, am I breaking out?" Kirishima begged his friend.

"No!" Kaminari shook his head so fast that Sero hoped for a minute that he wasn't going to snap his neck.

"Am I swelling up?" Kirishima continued, his mind racing through all of the options.

"No." Kaminari ticked another option off Kirishima's mental list.

"Are there hives anywhere?" Sero patted his arms, grabbing his head and checking over his face. He shook his head in relief.

"Good! It must mean that cake is my weakness because I love it too much!" Kirishima sighed thankfully. "I'm all good, I'm-"

BOOM!

There was an explosion even Bakugou would be proud of, and Kirishima was gone. "Oh my god... did he.. just blow up?!" Kaminari asked, in shock. 

No one said a thing as they gaped at the place that their comrade had been standing seconds before. The charred remains of Red Riot showed the answer to Kaminari’s question. "AAAAAAH!" 

The roof of the bazaar was utterly destroyed by Kirishima's form caving in the ceiling. Poles clattered to the floor with a crash, turning heads up and down the market paths. "That's not fucking blending in you dumbass fuck." Bakugou scowled. 

"Rations! Getchur rations! Rations! Getchu-"

"SHUT UP YOU STUPID FUCKING NPC!" Bakugou screamed at the man.

The startled stall owner backed away from Bakugou, who was seething in fury, a red hot glare burning the man's very soul.

They were suddenly approached by a child, who stared searchingly at Bakugou. "Dr. Bravestone! Thank goodness you're here! Jumanji needs you!" 

"Uh, what for?" Mina queried, curious about what this small human had to tell them.

The child looked at her, then turned back to Bakugou's hulking form, completely ignoring her question. "Dr. Bravestone! Thank goodness you're here! Jumanji needs you!"

"Well, I guess he only talks to you." Mina huffed, annoyed with her dismissal.

"What do you need to fucking tell us?" Bakugou rolled his eyes. He didn't have time for this cryptic shit.

The tiny child was silent as he turned away, snaking through the crowd. He led them away to a gazebo, pulling aside the curtain that covered the entrance, creepily intoning, "What you seek lies in the basket, one wrong move, you're in a casket. Trust one another, and never blink, the missing piece is not what you think."

Sero raises his eyebrows at the morbid rhyme. "Is there anything else you needed to tell us, O Weird Child?"

"Dr. Bravestone! Thank goodness you're here! Jumanji-"

"Yeah. Jumanji needs him. We heard." Kirishima sighed.

The child nodded and left without another word as they filed into the hut, which had a tall, woven, basket in the middle of the room, placed on a tall stool. The only illumination was the sunlight streaming through the large gaps in the thatched walls. 

Bakugou wordlessly paced to the center, placing his hands on the rim. The rest of the group were pressed against the walls, not particularly eager to find out what was in the basket. He slowly lifted the lid, and a hissing snake rose out. "BLACK MAMBA!" Kirishima screamed. 

Bakugou slammed the lid back on, but the basket was no longer still. It rattled, the snake inside writhing and hissing, trying its darndest to get out of there. "One bite from a black mamba is enough to kill a full-grown man, and the symptoms involve a frothing mouth, contracting muscles, seizures, and then death. HOW DO I KNOW THAT?!?!" Kirishima recited incredulously.

"Trust one another, and never blink... Guys! It might be a staring contest!" Kaminari gasped.

It made sense to the rest of the squad, and Sero was nominated. "Try not to let me get killed??" Sero giggled nervously.

Mina nodded solemnly, silently vowing to let no harm come to her bro in arms. "Soy Sauce, hold the fucking snake's attention while I reach inside and grab whatever the fuck is there." 

Sero nodded and knelt in front of the basket. He took a deep breath in, closing his eyes. He opened them slowly and braced himself. "Ready."

Bakugou again lifted the lid and the snake stared at Sero, tongue flicking as it swayed. It suddenly wrenched around and shot towards Mina, fangs bared and hissing. Mina screamed and backed against the wall, but Bakugou shot out his hand, lightning quick. 

The snake stopped in its tracks, held right behind the head by Bakugou's straining hand. "You gotta defang it," Kirishima piped up.

"The fuck, Shitty Hair?! I don't fucking know how to defang a goddamn snake!" Bakugou exclaimed. There was no way in hell that Bakugou was going to go near that snake's mouth. He might want to be Japan’s number one hero, but fuck this shitty reptile.

Kirishima strode forward, confidence in his steps. "You gotta grab the snake from its blind spot," he did just that, "and reach into its mouth, being careful of the venom ducts.. and snap-" there was a cracking noise as he broke off a tooth. "It's teeth-" he broke off the second. "Right out of its head." Bakugou let go, and the snake fell limply to the ground. Its fight was gone, and its hissing quieted.

"Oh my god did I just defang a snake?!" Kirishima clarified in disbelief.

"Holy fuck, man. That was very ballsy of you." Sero breathed.

"Uh, thanks?"

Everyone was shaken, but Kaminari reached into the basket and pulled out a paper-wrapped package. He unraveled the string and pulled out an ebony elephant head the size of his palm. It glimmered, teasing them all with its air of mystery. "This doesn't look like a map piece.." 

Mina pointed at the wrapping paper. “But that does.”

A close examination of its surface would reveal a stain, well-worn folds that showed signs of repeated opening and closing, and most importantly, a faded scrawl. One side simply said, "When you see me, begin the climb." Nobody even wanted to begin trying to puzzle out the meaning, so they flipped the paper over. “Thank god,” Sero sighed, peering over Kaminari’s shoulder. “It’s got instructions on how to reach the next level.”

Everyone was pretty happy that they wouldn’t have to rely on their own limited ingenuity to find their way to whatever was in store for them and started towards the doorway. As they stepped out of the gazebo, the sound of revving motorcycles reached their ears. The bazaar had been infiltrated by legions of Van Pelt's men. He was determined to hunt them down this time.

The bazaar was no longer lively and bustling. All the villagers were pressed against the walls or booths, trembling as the vicious men stalked further into the area. They might as well have been invisible, for the amount of acknowledgment they were offered.

Sprinting away was the obvious course of action, but they were almost cornered. The only way out was to create a path. "Go! I'll distract them!" Bakugou yelled.

He fought his way through with impressive efficiency, his newfound muscles increasing his strength exponentially. But Bakugou was used to fighting with his quirk, and every few minutes he paused like he was going to let out an explosion, creating an opening for his enemies to fire. He was inevitably injured with a knife. "Ah fuck. I can't believe you've done this." He muttered under his breath, glaring at the dagger implanted in his chest. He hoped he would be lucky enough to escape Death’s clutches, but alas, no such luck this time around.

He disappeared, respawning a little bit later on the edges of the army. After incapacitating the men in his way, he raced in the direction he'd last seen the Bakusquad, finding them climbing into a drain. They hurriedly jumped through, and Bakugou pulled the drain cover into place over their heads, just in time. A shouting troop of men stormed over their heads soon after, completely disregarding the ground beneath them.  
"The instructions from the map piece said to find a drain marked with this symbol," Kaminari traced a curlicue like a shape in the air, "And climb into it. It also spoke of traps, so we should be careful," he warned.

Everyone nodded solemnly, hoping that there wasn’t anything too treacherous lying in wait. The paper cautioned them to stay against the walls until the arrows were gone, and when the black and white tiles started, they were supposed to stay off the white tiles. Once everyone was pressed flat against the walls, with one eye on the floor, and one eye on the tunnel ahead of them, they set off.

They avoided the arrows, but Kaminari was caught off guard at an inopportune moment and got sliced in half by the blades that came out of the white tiles. Everyone flinched at the gruesome sight, looked away, and Kaminari respawned soon after the blades had retreated into the ground. They crossed an alligator pit with a plank, (no troubles there; thank god), and climbed up a rope ladder, out into a jungle.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Another update in.... a few days?

**Author's Note:**

> I have nothing to say... 😈😈
> 
> *Also I sadly don't have a beta.. plz help identify any mistakes!*


End file.
